is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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