I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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