he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize