I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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