Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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