I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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