i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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