apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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