dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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