We named our party play list daddy issues
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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