before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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