Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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