I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so explain again why im purple
no
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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