Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
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ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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