Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
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Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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