Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize