***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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