Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Your tits are I can't wait for
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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