Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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