Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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