Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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