Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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