wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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