yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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