so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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