is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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