My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
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we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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