There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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