My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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How does one acquire holy water?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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