he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize