i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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