I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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