I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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