oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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