We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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