We're like a lot better than the average bears
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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