I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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