Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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