Need sex. Gaining weight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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