My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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