$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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