It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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