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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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