My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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