I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Someone signed my nipple.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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