Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize