but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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