Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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