I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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