Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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